Few years back,we are all worried about how music icons and also movies have the ability to influence and even corrupt the mind of a child and even teenagers act.Some believed and some didnt.Some took actions and there are few who didnt. Some did taking it seriously while some often took it for granted.Having a serious attachments towards movies and music will unconsciously draw a person's personality and mentality.
Rockers are oftenly been stereotype by public as drug abuser due to their laid-back personality. As this mentality grow...in my point of view the society itself has created this propaganda which as a result they themselves are afraid over their own assumption.paranoia seems to take control their minds especially parents.without thinking staright and more rational ,parents seems to forget they themselves can be part of the reason of shaping their kids' mind and personality.
This matter and issue has been discussed thousand times in the media especially.Lets not go far about this matter as i will go on and on about it.What is bothering my mind now is not about music and artist anymore because this issue has been going on for a long time.Society should start to realizing that there is another new issue coming up lately in the society which is :THE POWER OF DRAMA SERIES. drama series that are created through imagination and fantasy supposedly become a source of entertainment and also source of leisure BUT few takes these dram series as an example on how they should lead their everyday lives.
Do not get shocked if there few people who did checked "One Tree Hill" on the atlas and do not get shocked that there few kids starting to get very eager to live their lifes in the Orange County. Now artists are no more been taken as icons but...these drama series characters has been taken as..not just icons but also imaginary friends...
People started to take the Kardashians' lifestyle seriously and wishing at the same time that they themselves has a family like the Kardashians.Few are wishing that they can have lifes in high school like "The Gossip Girl" has,partying like Chuck Bass, having a cool -over dramatic and mellow life like in "The One Tree Hill" and so much more.Being in a rehab is a cool thing now (that is how these drama series potray) and no mre prom nite like The Sweet Valley but...hitting exclusive parties.
Young and fabulous just how the drama series trying to potray.And the kids mentality is "this is how my life should be!!" rather than going to school with ugly uniforms, stay back at school for extra co-curiculum and night classes.
Being control and at the same living in this fantasy and "fun" world making people not realistic and the same time can be called half-crazy.imaginary lifes,imaginary world,imaginary personality and friends will develop ultimate hallucination take can bring bad result not towrds health but mental.
Being in love with Seth Cohen "The OC" is normal but waiting for a guy and searching for a guy who pretty much exactly like Seth Cohen whom his father a lawyer and has brother like Ryan and has a friend like Marissa Cooper will slowly jeorpardize minds and everything that have been making you a normal human being.In short,these people need to get treatment because as time goes by they will be nothing but people who is stuck in between reality and fantasy just like people who is in coma.
At the same time this people is living life in hallucination without even taking drugs.imagination runs wild and even tend to make all kinds of dramas in their own lifes making them unrealistics and even mentally ill
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
3 Little Words
Whenever i say "3 little words" first impression the people will tthink o come out from my mouth will be "i love you".how come 3 little words now means i love you?it can be i hate you or maybe i am hungry?or i am late.
"i love you" one popular line that will be used as to express one special feelings that is buried down in your heart.But sometimes the line is used as a routine,as a cover up when you made a mistake for example "how could you do dis to me?" and you can reply "im sorry but I LOVE YOU" sometimes it can be a replacement for the word "thank you" like when a boyfriend bought you something that you always screaming for,sheepishly you will smile and say"i love you"with a hug.The motive of the word i love you is already been misused and over used.When you are on the phone with someone you love and there is a long pause,to break the silent suddenly you just say "i love you" to make him or her feel secured but actually the love is fading and that is way there is a long pause dude.
Some people believe i love you is a one powerful word that cant be simply said.Some can just say it like it means nothing.Well,it is good better to make love than war.3 Little words means a lot from my point of view.The moment you said i love you to someone a line of commitment and expectation starting to appear.Such as: better say it everyday (and with a smile),cnt forget to say it (merajuk nanti),jealousy (u love me dont love anyone else) Got to show what you've said (expectation) Got to make sacrifices (you love me what) So for me,it is a powerful word.Have to be ready to say it coz once you've said it unconsiously you are silently owned.
So these 3 little words usually will be said when there is a feeling of love inside existed. But how can you compare or differentiate love and care?i mean is normal to say rite before you hang up the phone "i care for you"?is love and care are the same and falls under the same category?So for me ,when people say i love you, for me i love you is just a word while CARE can only be express tru action and gesture.Caring gesture and feeling shows sincerity but i love you still can create doubts and uncertainty.
By showing you care and without mentioning it to the other person whatever you do will be highly appreciated and will be considered sweet.But the moment you said i love,you will be judged and no matter what you do will never be enough.that is why people created this: meredah lautan dan belantara untuk membuktikan cinta.Melalui jalan berapi and yada yada...but if for the CARING category.."are you sick,here let me get water for you" (awwww sweet....)easy dont you think?but for LOVE category: "are you sick?let me get water for you" (water only?!go buy food and get me medicine la woi,stupid...say dis love cheh) so it is better to care about others rather than loving them...
So better be careful to used the word i love you because this sweet LITTLE 3 words are not so little to me. When the feeling of love grow make him or her say it first so that you are standing on a safer ground.anythin hapen you can counter back "hallo you say first what,i said it because you said so"my idea here to make you have less responsibility over what you have said meanwhile he or she who said it first got to prove more.while you play it cool dude....hehe
"i love you" one popular line that will be used as to express one special feelings that is buried down in your heart.But sometimes the line is used as a routine,as a cover up when you made a mistake for example "how could you do dis to me?" and you can reply "im sorry but I LOVE YOU" sometimes it can be a replacement for the word "thank you" like when a boyfriend bought you something that you always screaming for,sheepishly you will smile and say"i love you"with a hug.The motive of the word i love you is already been misused and over used.When you are on the phone with someone you love and there is a long pause,to break the silent suddenly you just say "i love you" to make him or her feel secured but actually the love is fading and that is way there is a long pause dude.
Some people believe i love you is a one powerful word that cant be simply said.Some can just say it like it means nothing.Well,it is good better to make love than war.3 Little words means a lot from my point of view.The moment you said i love you to someone a line of commitment and expectation starting to appear.Such as: better say it everyday (and with a smile),cnt forget to say it (merajuk nanti),jealousy (u love me dont love anyone else) Got to show what you've said (expectation) Got to make sacrifices (you love me what) So for me,it is a powerful word.Have to be ready to say it coz once you've said it unconsiously you are silently owned.
So these 3 little words usually will be said when there is a feeling of love inside existed. But how can you compare or differentiate love and care?i mean is normal to say rite before you hang up the phone "i care for you"?is love and care are the same and falls under the same category?So for me ,when people say i love you, for me i love you is just a word while CARE can only be express tru action and gesture.Caring gesture and feeling shows sincerity but i love you still can create doubts and uncertainty.
By showing you care and without mentioning it to the other person whatever you do will be highly appreciated and will be considered sweet.But the moment you said i love,you will be judged and no matter what you do will never be enough.that is why people created this: meredah lautan dan belantara untuk membuktikan cinta.Melalui jalan berapi and yada yada...but if for the CARING category.."are you sick,here let me get water for you" (awwww sweet....)easy dont you think?but for LOVE category: "are you sick?let me get water for you" (water only?!go buy food and get me medicine la woi,stupid...say dis love cheh) so it is better to care about others rather than loving them...
So better be careful to used the word i love you because this sweet LITTLE 3 words are not so little to me. When the feeling of love grow make him or her say it first so that you are standing on a safer ground.anythin hapen you can counter back "hallo you say first what,i said it because you said so"my idea here to make you have less responsibility over what you have said meanwhile he or she who said it first got to prove more.while you play it cool dude....hehe
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
turn me on sexy archipelagos!
Archipelago (if i get the spelling rite) means island.yes..don't you feel uptight and so good when you say "lets hit one of the archipelagos this summer" when one of your friend might be wondering is that a mexican restaurant?being rhymed to flamingos and back then was awfully mistaken by me thinking that it is a scientific name for birds,archipelago or island has one huge space in my heart.do not ask me where will we go for our vacation..coz island is the first thing that will strikes in my mind.white sandy beaches,breezy and chilling air,not so hot sunny day,clear blue sky and even million of stars can be seen at night when you are standing at the beach on an island at night.
Being on an island makes you forget the chaotic life in the city...being on an island walking down by the beach makes you feel like you are in a different dimension.No matter how we hate the result after playing at the beach; darker skin,sunburn,sandy feet that gets into your nails and the hardest part..showering off all the sands from your hair and also the lines at your body that makes you look like 2 legged zebra in the city (when you are back at the city) somehow it is a must to take a dip and having fun every single day at the beach when you are there at the island.
The blue-green (emerald) colour ocean somehow always tickle my fancy.everytime i reached to an island my heart beats so fast as if im meeting a close friend that have been apart for 10 years!Once you reach at the beach you will take a look around straight at the ocean and close your eyes and slowly take a deep breath with a little smile on your face.
Planning what to do is the best part.the itenaries need to be listed down together as suddenly all of us are looking so excited like a kid getting a candy. Yes,all itenaries are the same at all islands regardless you were once went to an island in Africa do not think it so much different on an island in Alaska...water dipping,water sports,sun bathing,snorkelling/diving,boating,light shopping,buffet and maybe fishing etc.But somehow i never can get enough of all of these activities.
Being on an island making you want to feel sexy.bikinis,lotions,sunglases,hats,parios,shorts and beach dresses..the list of clothes that you have written back at home is making it obvious that you are going off for a vacation to an island...so do not lie saying that your heading for a seminar..
I love the ocean..the breezy air and the sound of the waves.To me island turns me on!!heheh...it brings different kind of feelings inside when i am face to face with the ocean.yes..it is like meeting first love again hehehe..
Learning to dive always be in my wish list or "things to do before i die" list. scuba diving in the blue ocean is a dream that has becoming my motivation to work hard and make some saving for my diving lesson and trips!!i have talked to a diver before when i was in Pulau Redang 2 years back..he said being in an ocean is something that you can't even compare bein on land.It is a totally different thing and different experience.it is not like being in Mydin that you can compare and relate to being in Carrefour.Island and land is a totally different world..no wonder Ariel the Little Mermaid are not allowed to marry Prince Eric!!yes 1 good example there
After listening to his stories of diving and seeing beautiful and wonderful underwater objects such corels,fishes and sharks!!i decided to take diving seriusly.Got back in KL i bought diving magazines (expensive diving magzs) for leisure reading.After looking at all the beautiful pics,fire is burning like hell...im getting more and more excited to start my diving hobby.But now besides of just diving i am planning to improve my photography skill and start saving money to buy underwater SLR as well. So now my aim is to dive in the beautiful ocean and snapping beautiful and amazing pics.
If only by doing that can be a career path for me.put aside fancy house and fancy cars (i bet snapping pics under the sea won make u a millionaire) but the satisfaction of getting to do something you really love is a bliss.in my plan...in this 1 fine year i will take a year off and live on a beautiful island and dive every single day and snapping thousand of pics!!!
Being scared of marriage.. yet i have already decided to go for my honeymoon.Which is at Maldhives island...and by the end of this year i hope im already have gone to Krabi island and all the islands in Peninsular including Borneo
Being on an island makes you forget the chaotic life in the city...being on an island walking down by the beach makes you feel like you are in a different dimension.No matter how we hate the result after playing at the beach; darker skin,sunburn,sandy feet that gets into your nails and the hardest part..showering off all the sands from your hair and also the lines at your body that makes you look like 2 legged zebra in the city (when you are back at the city) somehow it is a must to take a dip and having fun every single day at the beach when you are there at the island.
The blue-green (emerald) colour ocean somehow always tickle my fancy.everytime i reached to an island my heart beats so fast as if im meeting a close friend that have been apart for 10 years!Once you reach at the beach you will take a look around straight at the ocean and close your eyes and slowly take a deep breath with a little smile on your face.
Planning what to do is the best part.the itenaries need to be listed down together as suddenly all of us are looking so excited like a kid getting a candy. Yes,all itenaries are the same at all islands regardless you were once went to an island in Africa do not think it so much different on an island in Alaska...water dipping,water sports,sun bathing,snorkelling/diving,boating,light shopping,buffet and maybe fishing etc.But somehow i never can get enough of all of these activities.
Being on an island making you want to feel sexy.bikinis,lotions,sunglases,hats,parios,shorts and beach dresses..the list of clothes that you have written back at home is making it obvious that you are going off for a vacation to an island...so do not lie saying that your heading for a seminar..
I love the ocean..the breezy air and the sound of the waves.To me island turns me on!!heheh...it brings different kind of feelings inside when i am face to face with the ocean.yes..it is like meeting first love again hehehe..
Learning to dive always be in my wish list or "things to do before i die" list. scuba diving in the blue ocean is a dream that has becoming my motivation to work hard and make some saving for my diving lesson and trips!!i have talked to a diver before when i was in Pulau Redang 2 years back..he said being in an ocean is something that you can't even compare bein on land.It is a totally different thing and different experience.it is not like being in Mydin that you can compare and relate to being in Carrefour.Island and land is a totally different world..no wonder Ariel the Little Mermaid are not allowed to marry Prince Eric!!yes 1 good example there
After listening to his stories of diving and seeing beautiful and wonderful underwater objects such corels,fishes and sharks!!i decided to take diving seriusly.Got back in KL i bought diving magazines (expensive diving magzs) for leisure reading.After looking at all the beautiful pics,fire is burning like hell...im getting more and more excited to start my diving hobby.But now besides of just diving i am planning to improve my photography skill and start saving money to buy underwater SLR as well. So now my aim is to dive in the beautiful ocean and snapping beautiful and amazing pics.
If only by doing that can be a career path for me.put aside fancy house and fancy cars (i bet snapping pics under the sea won make u a millionaire) but the satisfaction of getting to do something you really love is a bliss.in my plan...in this 1 fine year i will take a year off and live on a beautiful island and dive every single day and snapping thousand of pics!!!
Being scared of marriage.. yet i have already decided to go for my honeymoon.Which is at Maldhives island...and by the end of this year i hope im already have gone to Krabi island and all the islands in Peninsular including Borneo
oh boy oh boy
men aka boys actually was sent to earth partially, some from Planet Loser some from Planet Annoying which now changed to Planet Suckers and little sum from Planet So-so and a little few came from no where...
they came to the earth,with the thought that they are the ladies' one and only symbol of love,sex and attractions.believe me if there is other options,guys or men will be the only species in the world making love to trees hehe...(no offense..to the trees i mean)
Men came to the earth from all the planets mentioned above with arrogant and cocky faces with the thoughts that ladies should be thankful that we existed...to save your life!! (yes...from peace n harmony heh)
its killing but true that ladies can't resist them, with 1 eyes close we swallow their stupidity and their insensitivity and their childish-dumb manner.
Men is the only creature that loves to play dumb.either they are aware and just acting dumb or they are just ..plain dumb.but sometimes i realized from all the guys dat had come and go into my life for the past 2 years (after i broke up)they are actually the confused one.or maybe they are just colour blind.sometimes its green sometimes its red...playing this crazy cards they still have the guts to shout to the world that women is complicated!
playing it cool (their official theme) making them the most insensitive and again..dumb!men aka boys have the "ability" to think ONLY bout tomorrow or maybe till tonite.yes when we talk about next week or next year (planning ahead) they will be looking at us as if we are speaking some kind of alien language or like we are the pokemons (pika pika pika...) maybe that is what is in their mind.over this situation they started to make believe that women is paranoid (for thinking ahead) and over dramatic (for screaming at them for being stupid of not thinking ahead)
playing cool and playing dumb is their favourite sports.Another one thing about them is..they so in love with themselves until making me feel that they just supposed to have sex with themselves.their favourite topic of conversation is:Me...i met someone who just cnt get enough of himself,his life, his interest,his life,his interest....yes brother you are like Gundi to me.yes your stories inspires me.tell me more!more!more!....he is the first person to make me realized that i have a hidden talent of yawning with my mouth close. Didnt he realized that my eyes have turned red over sleepy!what you think i was high on weed! To think again being high on weed is so much funner than listening to his "entertaining and very fun" stories.
Lets call him Mcchicken.Mcchicken adores cars.yes...cars turn him on.from engine to whatever to i-don-know what hell and everything about cars just driving him crazy.we were on our way to someplace that took about 2 hours to reach!!Mcchicken being so noble gave me free lessons and educate me about cars until i believed that i deserved a certificate majoring in Cars. While listening to him i felt like screaming and run away while pulling my hair and pray that UFO came over and kidnapped me away from him!
Mcchicken keep on pressing on how he loves to buy ONLY high quality stuff for himself.So,for the rest of his life,he prefers to wait and push aside his desire of owning the thing until the good one is available in the market.He said he doesnt mind spending as much as he can as long as the thing satisfy him.its a good thing but the way he said it with his proud face making me feel like punching him.he said he wants to buy a new handphone to replace his old one.so i told him what to get and he started to bragged about this upcoming nokia that cost alot but its like the coolest la konon and same goes with his plan of buying a new car.
Annoyed i started thinking..the rest of your life you only bought the best of the best stuff for your usage.but why the hell that made you buy one old ugly cheap motorola handphone that only primary school kid (which he is using rite now) will used and why the hell back then you drove a Proton Tiara!!i feel like scratching his scalp until i can feel his brain at that moment..
Yes we arrived at the place with me high over nothing.And the most important is...rite after i got back i deleted his name from my phonebook.but thanks Mcchicken for the free knowledge and of course..the free ride!!(thanks for the dumbness)
they came to the earth,with the thought that they are the ladies' one and only symbol of love,sex and attractions.believe me if there is other options,guys or men will be the only species in the world making love to trees hehe...(no offense..to the trees i mean)
Men came to the earth from all the planets mentioned above with arrogant and cocky faces with the thoughts that ladies should be thankful that we existed...to save your life!! (yes...from peace n harmony heh)
its killing but true that ladies can't resist them, with 1 eyes close we swallow their stupidity and their insensitivity and their childish-dumb manner.
Men is the only creature that loves to play dumb.either they are aware and just acting dumb or they are just ..plain dumb.but sometimes i realized from all the guys dat had come and go into my life for the past 2 years (after i broke up)they are actually the confused one.or maybe they are just colour blind.sometimes its green sometimes its red...playing this crazy cards they still have the guts to shout to the world that women is complicated!
playing it cool (their official theme) making them the most insensitive and again..dumb!men aka boys have the "ability" to think ONLY bout tomorrow or maybe till tonite.yes when we talk about next week or next year (planning ahead) they will be looking at us as if we are speaking some kind of alien language or like we are the pokemons (pika pika pika...) maybe that is what is in their mind.over this situation they started to make believe that women is paranoid (for thinking ahead) and over dramatic (for screaming at them for being stupid of not thinking ahead)
playing cool and playing dumb is their favourite sports.Another one thing about them is..they so in love with themselves until making me feel that they just supposed to have sex with themselves.their favourite topic of conversation is:Me...i met someone who just cnt get enough of himself,his life, his interest,his life,his interest....yes brother you are like Gundi to me.yes your stories inspires me.tell me more!more!more!....he is the first person to make me realized that i have a hidden talent of yawning with my mouth close. Didnt he realized that my eyes have turned red over sleepy!what you think i was high on weed! To think again being high on weed is so much funner than listening to his "entertaining and very fun" stories.
Lets call him Mcchicken.Mcchicken adores cars.yes...cars turn him on.from engine to whatever to i-don-know what hell and everything about cars just driving him crazy.we were on our way to someplace that took about 2 hours to reach!!Mcchicken being so noble gave me free lessons and educate me about cars until i believed that i deserved a certificate majoring in Cars. While listening to him i felt like screaming and run away while pulling my hair and pray that UFO came over and kidnapped me away from him!
Mcchicken keep on pressing on how he loves to buy ONLY high quality stuff for himself.So,for the rest of his life,he prefers to wait and push aside his desire of owning the thing until the good one is available in the market.He said he doesnt mind spending as much as he can as long as the thing satisfy him.its a good thing but the way he said it with his proud face making me feel like punching him.he said he wants to buy a new handphone to replace his old one.so i told him what to get and he started to bragged about this upcoming nokia that cost alot but its like the coolest la konon and same goes with his plan of buying a new car.
Annoyed i started thinking..the rest of your life you only bought the best of the best stuff for your usage.but why the hell that made you buy one old ugly cheap motorola handphone that only primary school kid (which he is using rite now) will used and why the hell back then you drove a Proton Tiara!!i feel like scratching his scalp until i can feel his brain at that moment..
Yes we arrived at the place with me high over nothing.And the most important is...rite after i got back i deleted his name from my phonebook.but thanks Mcchicken for the free knowledge and of course..the free ride!!(thanks for the dumbness)
MARRIAGEophobic
MARRIAGE.....
a simple word represents commitment,love,honesty,diamond ring(FUN PART OF IT)and....loyalty...and of course last and foremost;not being lonely for the rest of your life as well as not being dead until turns rotten and being bitten by rats for few weeks in your big fancy house without anyone knows...oh I forgot... MARRIAGE: sharing!
Thinking whether you will ever be married to someone sometimes do gives me a goosebumps but imagining being fully attached to someone for the rest of your life and being stuck to someone like a glue morning till night,days after days,years after years,decades after decades is suffocating me....
please give me air!!i love my long time teddy bear and my bantal bushuk garfield but somehow i do happend to buy other cute and adorable teddies..not for a replacement or the next sleeping companion but juz for the sake of fulfilling my desire as my heart will melt looking at other cute teddies comparing to my orange-faded garfiled lying there on my bed,hopelessly.
well im not comparing marriage nor my future husband to a teddy but the main concern now is the power of pushing away desires and wanting something new need to be put aside right after marriage...and lust towards other mouth- watering hunks!!well this is making my head spinning..
loyalty is the question.yes keep telling yourself you are a goddamn loyal person for the past ten years that your shared with your boyfriend BUT...does loyalty will last?what if your expiry date for your loyalty is when your relationship turns 15 years not when it is 10 (right now) and that time no matter how good looking your boyfriend is ,in your eyes he looks like an over burned rosted turkey which even your cat wont have the heart to eat it and to make things even crucial even the mamak jual roti can flatter you and making you smile shyly and your heart pounds when he only gives you a free ikan bilis bun.seriously that is when your loyalty power is reaching expiry date.
what will i do if this happens?in my marriage??
the word marriage and what it represents do sometimes scare me.how scary it is?so scary until i feel like replacing the word hantu to marriage.like in malay culture when you sense there's something wrong like you can feel the present of a ghost or pontianak you can't actually mention the name.it is like a taboo...so if im in a car will it be ok if i say" wey, i can feel that marriage is near.."with my face turned pale and sweat coming out at my forehead.but i guess even if i don't replace the word ghost to marriage somehow that is exactly how i look when my mother or my ex boyfriend mentioned the word to me,so might as well i compare marriage to a ghost.my face turned pale,my forehead gets sweaty, my heartbeats are suddenly remind me of metalica songs and my throat will get so dry like as if i have'nt drink for the past 2 weeks (effects of the word marriage)this is weird..im a girl or ...lady hehe...marriage shud brings colours and supposedly making me flying without wings..
it is not a shock if my future boyfriend started to make a proposing gesture and on his way to be on his knees while me in the other hand will close both my ears and starts singing "london bridge is falling down" as loud as i can and run as fast as i can away from him...
do i have commitment issue?or im just plain scared over the consequences over marriage or im just over dramatic??like last week..i went to carrefour to buy grocerries for my own place, i went there wit a friend.the plan was to buy stuff for cooking as this can cut down my expenses (now that i am unemployed) as i reached the counter to pay while i was queing at the aisle i starred at my trolly.my head started to be dizzy as the trolley looked definitely different.it looks like my mother's!!as i tried to recalled my usual looking trolley i realized this is waaayyyy much different than the usual ones.the usual ones content:
1.fresh milk
2.cereal
3.can drinks
4.maggie
5.lays chips
i guess thats all but to make things a little bit serius:mineral water
last week's trolley:
1. all the things above
2.except chips and carton of can drinks
3.frozen food
4.udang kering
5.bawang besar
6.rempah kurma
7.rempah sambal petai udang
8.tepung!!!!
and the list goes on and on that made me turned dizzy.as i slowly turned over to other people's trolley...yes..the old chinese lady next aisle with no facial expression (walking zombie) and her old mean-looking husband have kinda same looking trolley as mine.behind me (young indian couple)do have the same "fun" looking trolley as mine minus rempah....i started making a drama to my friend.kept on telling her how im not ready for this kinda trolley.she kept on laughing and i..was serious.until my friend said that "at least u didnt go to the diapers department"i was stunned over her statement.the way she said it so very casual,as if dis kind of trolley is normal to her and her next level is having pampers in it!!oh no...i felt left behind..so so far away.is like playing a video game and im at the first stage of mario brothers.
yes...i got back i kept the receipt on the fridge (nope i don have a magnet at my fridge...a magnet at my fridge is like playing second stage of mario brothers hehe)
a simple word represents commitment,love,honesty,diamond ring(FUN PART OF IT)and....loyalty...and of course last and foremost;not being lonely for the rest of your life as well as not being dead until turns rotten and being bitten by rats for few weeks in your big fancy house without anyone knows...oh I forgot... MARRIAGE: sharing!
Thinking whether you will ever be married to someone sometimes do gives me a goosebumps but imagining being fully attached to someone for the rest of your life and being stuck to someone like a glue morning till night,days after days,years after years,decades after decades is suffocating me....
please give me air!!i love my long time teddy bear and my bantal bushuk garfield but somehow i do happend to buy other cute and adorable teddies..not for a replacement or the next sleeping companion but juz for the sake of fulfilling my desire as my heart will melt looking at other cute teddies comparing to my orange-faded garfiled lying there on my bed,hopelessly.
well im not comparing marriage nor my future husband to a teddy but the main concern now is the power of pushing away desires and wanting something new need to be put aside right after marriage...and lust towards other mouth- watering hunks!!well this is making my head spinning..
loyalty is the question.yes keep telling yourself you are a goddamn loyal person for the past ten years that your shared with your boyfriend BUT...does loyalty will last?what if your expiry date for your loyalty is when your relationship turns 15 years not when it is 10 (right now) and that time no matter how good looking your boyfriend is ,in your eyes he looks like an over burned rosted turkey which even your cat wont have the heart to eat it and to make things even crucial even the mamak jual roti can flatter you and making you smile shyly and your heart pounds when he only gives you a free ikan bilis bun.seriously that is when your loyalty power is reaching expiry date.
what will i do if this happens?in my marriage??
the word marriage and what it represents do sometimes scare me.how scary it is?so scary until i feel like replacing the word hantu to marriage.like in malay culture when you sense there's something wrong like you can feel the present of a ghost or pontianak you can't actually mention the name.it is like a taboo...so if im in a car will it be ok if i say" wey, i can feel that marriage is near.."with my face turned pale and sweat coming out at my forehead.but i guess even if i don't replace the word ghost to marriage somehow that is exactly how i look when my mother or my ex boyfriend mentioned the word to me,so might as well i compare marriage to a ghost.my face turned pale,my forehead gets sweaty, my heartbeats are suddenly remind me of metalica songs and my throat will get so dry like as if i have'nt drink for the past 2 weeks (effects of the word marriage)this is weird..im a girl or ...lady hehe...marriage shud brings colours and supposedly making me flying without wings..
it is not a shock if my future boyfriend started to make a proposing gesture and on his way to be on his knees while me in the other hand will close both my ears and starts singing "london bridge is falling down" as loud as i can and run as fast as i can away from him...
do i have commitment issue?or im just plain scared over the consequences over marriage or im just over dramatic??like last week..i went to carrefour to buy grocerries for my own place, i went there wit a friend.the plan was to buy stuff for cooking as this can cut down my expenses (now that i am unemployed) as i reached the counter to pay while i was queing at the aisle i starred at my trolly.my head started to be dizzy as the trolley looked definitely different.it looks like my mother's!!as i tried to recalled my usual looking trolley i realized this is waaayyyy much different than the usual ones.the usual ones content:
1.fresh milk
2.cereal
3.can drinks
4.maggie
5.lays chips
i guess thats all but to make things a little bit serius:mineral water
last week's trolley:
1. all the things above
2.except chips and carton of can drinks
3.frozen food
4.udang kering
5.bawang besar
6.rempah kurma
7.rempah sambal petai udang
8.tepung!!!!
and the list goes on and on that made me turned dizzy.as i slowly turned over to other people's trolley...yes..the old chinese lady next aisle with no facial expression (walking zombie) and her old mean-looking husband have kinda same looking trolley as mine.behind me (young indian couple)do have the same "fun" looking trolley as mine minus rempah....i started making a drama to my friend.kept on telling her how im not ready for this kinda trolley.she kept on laughing and i..was serious.until my friend said that "at least u didnt go to the diapers department"i was stunned over her statement.the way she said it so very casual,as if dis kind of trolley is normal to her and her next level is having pampers in it!!oh no...i felt left behind..so so far away.is like playing a video game and im at the first stage of mario brothers.
yes...i got back i kept the receipt on the fridge (nope i don have a magnet at my fridge...a magnet at my fridge is like playing second stage of mario brothers hehe)
Dear Diary
dear diary,
whats written in you is only for you to see.what i feel is only for you to know .when my tears fall only you can feel the warmth.All the words i write only you can understand.
dear diary,
Having you doesnt mean im lonely.By having you doesnt mean i have no one to talk to and by having you doesnt mean i dont know how to speak.
dear diary,
If i happen not to write for awhile doesnt mean i have forgotten about you, if i havent write for awhile doesnt mean im all happy nor even sad.if havent write to you doesnt mean im out of words and foremost if i havent write doesnt mean i don't care anymore
dear diary,
what we shared is only for us to remember.what we shared is only for us to reminise and what we shared is also only for us to smile. Lastly, what we shared is only for us think.
dear diary,as i flipped thru all the pages only you know my ups and downs.only you were always by myside and for along time only you that i stayed up late for.you always hold my past and always eager to know my future.Even if oneday i will reach at the end of the page,only you i always remember.
*dedicated to someone important.... once*
whats written in you is only for you to see.what i feel is only for you to know .when my tears fall only you can feel the warmth.All the words i write only you can understand.
dear diary,
Having you doesnt mean im lonely.By having you doesnt mean i have no one to talk to and by having you doesnt mean i dont know how to speak.
dear diary,
If i happen not to write for awhile doesnt mean i have forgotten about you, if i havent write for awhile doesnt mean im all happy nor even sad.if havent write to you doesnt mean im out of words and foremost if i havent write doesnt mean i don't care anymore
dear diary,
what we shared is only for us to remember.what we shared is only for us to reminise and what we shared is also only for us to smile. Lastly, what we shared is only for us think.
dear diary,as i flipped thru all the pages only you know my ups and downs.only you were always by myside and for along time only you that i stayed up late for.you always hold my past and always eager to know my future.Even if oneday i will reach at the end of the page,only you i always remember.
*dedicated to someone important.... once*
words are all i have
Have you ever lied just to make the others feel good??
Is that considered lying??
is there any other word for that?as i always stuck in the situation when i lied just to make sure the other person feels good.On the other hand i believe that by telling the truth would be better.but does honesty is the very best policy??? Is this considered unethical??hmmm.....
I make believe that i am not really a very honest person.but i don tink that im a liar.well..i do lie but you know...at certain matter i prefer to be loved rather being hated over my honest statement. Besides of dishonesty im the kind that just hard to say "no"..especially to my friends or loved ones.by saying "yes" when it cant be done or without being full hearted does making me feel unethical as i will sometimes dissapoint the one that i gave my false hoped at.Yes that is what is it called,false hoped. I prefer giving false hope rather than saying "no". Not knowing why but by giving false hope will be a better escape for me rather than saying the truth. False hope leads to false promises...hmmm....
Giving false promises making you a true liar. So i dont know wheter i shud considerd myself a liar as my main objective is not to hurt others feelings. You know,truth hurts.Like when back then when me and my ex had been together for almost 5 years and he asked wether i still loved him or not just like how we first time together,i can't say no even though thats the truth. When im in this situation my heart will pound real bad and guilt will rush in BUT if its for the best, unethically i had to lie.When i went for interview,when my boss asked do i have issue waking up in the morning?of coz i had to say NO!!..
am i liar???
after awhile my friends started to see my desease...they started to have doubts with my words even when im being true. As i will call my beloved friend,Blinky,thinks that all the nice words come out from my mouth is actually me just being nice.until some started to call me Sweet Talker...weird...
If only they know when i said something that comes straight from my heart it does sound flowery...but when im lying,all the words will come straight and dull. Is hard to be me as sometimes i cant explain just how much a person means to me,or just how much the person worth for me,or just how wonderful the person is as all my words considered unvalid.If words cant describe how i feel and think what else can i do...?? Even though people always say 'action speaks louder than words' somehow words are all i have..now i have nothing
Is that considered lying??
is there any other word for that?as i always stuck in the situation when i lied just to make sure the other person feels good.On the other hand i believe that by telling the truth would be better.but does honesty is the very best policy??? Is this considered unethical??hmmm.....
I make believe that i am not really a very honest person.but i don tink that im a liar.well..i do lie but you know...at certain matter i prefer to be loved rather being hated over my honest statement. Besides of dishonesty im the kind that just hard to say "no"..especially to my friends or loved ones.by saying "yes" when it cant be done or without being full hearted does making me feel unethical as i will sometimes dissapoint the one that i gave my false hoped at.Yes that is what is it called,false hoped. I prefer giving false hope rather than saying "no". Not knowing why but by giving false hope will be a better escape for me rather than saying the truth. False hope leads to false promises...hmmm....
Giving false promises making you a true liar. So i dont know wheter i shud considerd myself a liar as my main objective is not to hurt others feelings. You know,truth hurts.Like when back then when me and my ex had been together for almost 5 years and he asked wether i still loved him or not just like how we first time together,i can't say no even though thats the truth. When im in this situation my heart will pound real bad and guilt will rush in BUT if its for the best, unethically i had to lie.When i went for interview,when my boss asked do i have issue waking up in the morning?of coz i had to say NO!!..
am i liar???
after awhile my friends started to see my desease...they started to have doubts with my words even when im being true. As i will call my beloved friend,Blinky,thinks that all the nice words come out from my mouth is actually me just being nice.until some started to call me Sweet Talker...weird...
If only they know when i said something that comes straight from my heart it does sound flowery...but when im lying,all the words will come straight and dull. Is hard to be me as sometimes i cant explain just how much a person means to me,or just how much the person worth for me,or just how wonderful the person is as all my words considered unvalid.If words cant describe how i feel and think what else can i do...?? Even though people always say 'action speaks louder than words' somehow words are all i have..now i have nothing
me and 88db
Hoping to have better life and future...planning for success and happiness...believe in fate and destiny...hoping for the best and prosperity.
without shame i admit, i am fully ambitious. i have my bachelor's degree, planning to take master degree...even dreaming to work in the best place.received nice looking digits pay check.drive fancy car and wear nice fancy-expensive clothes and spending without regretting. These are my missions.Easy to say...
Thanks to Mccann Erickson for giving me hard time over there made me quited my job annndddd lead me to get comfortable in 88db.com. Just after 2 weeks of resignation i got a call from Christine, Marketing Manager for 88db. Being a brat, i had 101 thoughts to accept the position as a writer in the company.Well for money sake i accepted the offer.the office is in KL so it is waaaayyyy much better rather than mccann.working hours:9-6...rather than mccann:9-forever.
Life was back on track as i received paycheck every last day of the month..being employed feels like you are belonged in the world.feeling saved, i started planning of buying my own car and even budgeting makes me feel good.having my own belanjawan bulanan makes me feel like a grown up.but then notin can satisfy human rite??so hoping to get better job always crossed my mind.3 months of probation in 88db seems great. Christine was a nice lady boss,elvina was a great partner, Emily and Keisha were a fun team to work with.we bonded and having so much fun...
But this post is not about them.yes yes fun fun under the sun...but then dark clouds entered when Christine told me that she need to let me go on the day i supposed to be confirmed!!due to economy crisis that hypothesiscally will occur next year made her decided to take away my freinds, my cubicle,my beloved pc and my-already-comfortable-zone
Fairness is not the issue here especially when it comes to this kind of matter. trying to think like an adult and taking it easy like how islam taught me to be,i accepted this with open heart. i didnt shed a tear even though everytime i tink about it a pool of tears appear my eyes. After a few deep breathe have been taken after the news with my shaking hands i called up my parents whom i've been neglecting for the past few months.Knowing them, they said nice and comforting words and kept on telling me that "mesti ada hikmah and rezeki awak bukan dkt situ". Swallowing those words whether i wanted it or not i sitted quitely at the emergency staircase and litted up my cigaratte. Trying to call my darling maisara but cudnt get thru...i sitted there inhaled and exhaled the smoking cigaratte.Few secs later i dialled up mai's brother.with my heartbroken, i cudnt remember wut i have mumbled the moment he picked up the phone but he heard the part i said kakak ada?the moment i heard her say hello i can feel a blood rushing thru my face and suddenly my nose started to process liquid.i told her calmly without sheding any tears.
As i walked into the office i knew i had to tell Elvina the truth as we are so close. Telling her the unpleasant news and seing her crying making things harder for me.i took off early as darling mai decided to picked me up at the office.
From this experienced i realized that stepping in a new world is easy but to stay in it is very hard.sometimes you win sometimes you will loose.Not knowing what will happen next always crosses your mind.But family seems to support and undestand me as they will keep on telling that this is not the end of the world and they just can stop distributing my cv around.My friends were broken hearted too after knowing what happened. My darling mai helped a lot too same ,goes with eza,nadd and few...yes few...i dont want the whole world to know...
What bothers me rite now is why do i deserved this. What kind of test is Allah giving me. is it true that better things will come??Have i've been forgotten Him for long until he decided to show His presents to me.Don't know why but i feel sooo ashamed.As i was so focusing on my missions i forgot that only He can assure wether i will achive my missions or not...
without shame i admit, i am fully ambitious. i have my bachelor's degree, planning to take master degree...even dreaming to work in the best place.received nice looking digits pay check.drive fancy car and wear nice fancy-expensive clothes and spending without regretting. These are my missions.Easy to say...
Thanks to Mccann Erickson for giving me hard time over there made me quited my job annndddd lead me to get comfortable in 88db.com. Just after 2 weeks of resignation i got a call from Christine, Marketing Manager for 88db. Being a brat, i had 101 thoughts to accept the position as a writer in the company.Well for money sake i accepted the offer.the office is in KL so it is waaaayyyy much better rather than mccann.working hours:9-6...rather than mccann:9-forever.
Life was back on track as i received paycheck every last day of the month..being employed feels like you are belonged in the world.feeling saved, i started planning of buying my own car and even budgeting makes me feel good.having my own belanjawan bulanan makes me feel like a grown up.but then notin can satisfy human rite??so hoping to get better job always crossed my mind.3 months of probation in 88db seems great. Christine was a nice lady boss,elvina was a great partner, Emily and Keisha were a fun team to work with.we bonded and having so much fun...
But this post is not about them.yes yes fun fun under the sun...but then dark clouds entered when Christine told me that she need to let me go on the day i supposed to be confirmed!!due to economy crisis that hypothesiscally will occur next year made her decided to take away my freinds, my cubicle,my beloved pc and my-already-comfortable-zone
Fairness is not the issue here especially when it comes to this kind of matter. trying to think like an adult and taking it easy like how islam taught me to be,i accepted this with open heart. i didnt shed a tear even though everytime i tink about it a pool of tears appear my eyes. After a few deep breathe have been taken after the news with my shaking hands i called up my parents whom i've been neglecting for the past few months.Knowing them, they said nice and comforting words and kept on telling me that "mesti ada hikmah and rezeki awak bukan dkt situ". Swallowing those words whether i wanted it or not i sitted quitely at the emergency staircase and litted up my cigaratte. Trying to call my darling maisara but cudnt get thru...i sitted there inhaled and exhaled the smoking cigaratte.Few secs later i dialled up mai's brother.with my heartbroken, i cudnt remember wut i have mumbled the moment he picked up the phone but he heard the part i said kakak ada?the moment i heard her say hello i can feel a blood rushing thru my face and suddenly my nose started to process liquid.i told her calmly without sheding any tears.
As i walked into the office i knew i had to tell Elvina the truth as we are so close. Telling her the unpleasant news and seing her crying making things harder for me.i took off early as darling mai decided to picked me up at the office.
From this experienced i realized that stepping in a new world is easy but to stay in it is very hard.sometimes you win sometimes you will loose.Not knowing what will happen next always crosses your mind.But family seems to support and undestand me as they will keep on telling that this is not the end of the world and they just can stop distributing my cv around.My friends were broken hearted too after knowing what happened. My darling mai helped a lot too same ,goes with eza,nadd and few...yes few...i dont want the whole world to know...
What bothers me rite now is why do i deserved this. What kind of test is Allah giving me. is it true that better things will come??Have i've been forgotten Him for long until he decided to show His presents to me.Don't know why but i feel sooo ashamed.As i was so focusing on my missions i forgot that only He can assure wether i will achive my missions or not...
goodbye "queen of babble"
i had a blog before...but i said goodbye to it as im hoping the new one will show the real side of me. Used to be scared of blogging as i tend to write something that is not true even when the moment i started typing i always reminded myself to write whatever that is on my mind.
i've stop blogging starting from the year 2008...ironically,alot of things happen.in my previous blog "queen of babble" i realized that i mentioned a lot on how much i hate saying goodbye to my university life and how much i love being in my comfortable zone such as my comfortable friends,comfortable routines, comfortable hanging spots and yada yada..
in 2008 i was forced to venture l1F3.I had to say goodbye to my university, classmates, lecturers...waking up at 12, hanging out on weekdays and other stuffs.i started working on the month of June.
My nephew,Ahmad Tareeq Mirza joined the gang at end of May.My sister moved out few months later.Only left me,mama and papa and of course my no 1 companion.my cat Elmo...the house feel so empty which making me feel so lonely every each day when im around.
My bestfriend Eza and her family moved from being so very close to me to the end of the state..making me feel even much more lonelier..Eza's family had become my escaptism of loneliness and being with them will stop reminding me of how lonely my house can get especially when my one and only sister had moved away to start her own life and family.
Lets not even go to my relationship status as after i gave up my 6 years relationship,guys are the truest definition of annoyance.Having them come and go in my single-town now didnt bring major breakdown nor tears.im imune..
To stop running around the bush,2008 is a lonely number for me...changes happend while i just standing there still in the middle of the transition.Expecting and wondering how far can changes go and how cruel changes can get.
So in this blog, i won't go back much reminiscing 2008..this time this blog is not for others to read but more like a pair of ears to listen, a heart to feel, pair of hands to hug and a beautiful lips to kiss my tears away...it is all about me me me me me me
i've stop blogging starting from the year 2008...ironically,alot of things happen.in my previous blog "queen of babble" i realized that i mentioned a lot on how much i hate saying goodbye to my university life and how much i love being in my comfortable zone such as my comfortable friends,comfortable routines, comfortable hanging spots and yada yada..
in 2008 i was forced to venture l1F3.I had to say goodbye to my university, classmates, lecturers...waking up at 12, hanging out on weekdays and other stuffs.i started working on the month of June.
My nephew,Ahmad Tareeq Mirza joined the gang at end of May.My sister moved out few months later.Only left me,mama and papa and of course my no 1 companion.my cat Elmo...the house feel so empty which making me feel so lonely every each day when im around.
My bestfriend Eza and her family moved from being so very close to me to the end of the state..making me feel even much more lonelier..Eza's family had become my escaptism of loneliness and being with them will stop reminding me of how lonely my house can get especially when my one and only sister had moved away to start her own life and family.
Lets not even go to my relationship status as after i gave up my 6 years relationship,guys are the truest definition of annoyance.Having them come and go in my single-town now didnt bring major breakdown nor tears.im imune..
To stop running around the bush,2008 is a lonely number for me...changes happend while i just standing there still in the middle of the transition.Expecting and wondering how far can changes go and how cruel changes can get.
So in this blog, i won't go back much reminiscing 2008..this time this blog is not for others to read but more like a pair of ears to listen, a heart to feel, pair of hands to hug and a beautiful lips to kiss my tears away...it is all about me me me me me me
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)